- My current lack of appetite. I very rarely don’t want to eat, and if I do, it’s because I’m sick or something. I usually love cooking—almost as much as I love eating—but right now I’m cramming down a bowl of carrots just because I feel like I need to eat something for dinner.
- That I will never get a job. I’m having trouble enough finding jobs in Chicago that I’m even remotely qualified for. And it’s not like I’m on some self-deprecating/-pitying “blah blah blah my work is not good enough all I can make is garbage” shit. It’s that we’re in a recession, and I’m competing with people who come from graphic design school, and, well, my work is not good enough all I can make is garbage blah blah blah.
- Eternal solitude. Love is not something that comes super easily to me. I’m incredibly skeptical and pickier probably more than I have the right to be. And yet I am finding myself crazy about a guy who seems to find me all right—but as far as I can tell there’s no way it could work between us without one of us compromising our life. Between distance and time, I don’t see there being a future between us, which breaks my heart because I have never, ever been so nuts about a person before.
Not to mention that in January I’ll be leaving behind the family I’ve made for myself here in Boston, in the absence of my real family in Tokyo. I want to be able to give myself a chance to do me, I do; I just wish I didn’t have to go it alone.
- That I will never get a dog. I really fucking want a dog.